Twisted Writings

2006-07-18T14:25:00.000-07:00

Seperation breaks and anticipation waits
to see whats to come is to see a future broken.
Diving deep into a trial to live in such denial
to see what may arrive like the truest ever spoken.
Partial fire burns the same and love is not a game
to wait for a pierce thats not mistaken.
Burning afterwords while turning in your edge'd swords
to run from the demons once awakened.

(i dont know)

2006-06-29T10:54:00.000-07:00

Difficulties

Hard days and broken nights
myself to pain allure.
Rough ways and taken rights
her freedom isn't sure.
Pain runs rampid in this mind
that everyone thinks so clear.
Rain runs unhampered across this heart
I'll lose what I hold dear

Two people walk through a journey that they had once determined would be their 'forever'. These two people began to take for granted that there was someone there beside them. Through the pain and suffering that life brings everyone, they developed a way to cope alone and without the need of one another. One day they decide they cannot take the pain alone and seek for relief somewhere, still not realizing there is someone beside them. They find, they unload their cares and troubles. Then they fall. They fall for the helper that held their hand during their storyline journey. Then they realize that someone could have helped them all along. But is it not too late?

Fate grabs your mind and twists your thought.
Hate comes from nowhere to bring whats brought.
Love hides from all until it cannot.
Fate mixes the emotions like a stirring pot.
Love finds hate and hate brings pain.
Love is lost while fate doth gain.

2006-06-29T10:45:00.001-07:00

Sinking Feeling

I get this sinking feeling... so I look up. There is a sparkling waver 10 feet or so above me. It is twinkling as if it were sunshine just above a water surface. Oh too clearly I realize that I am looking at exactly what I think I am. "Swim! Swim", I tell myself but only to find my cerebral cortex has no longer a reign or ruling over my limbs. "Oh wait! The cerebral cortex doesnt control motor function." Sinking.. Sinking.. "What is it? What is it???" I have no choice but to see the twinkling above me slowly disappear with the distance growing between me and what will keep me alive... Oxygen.

Hours ago, if I'm not mistaken I was lying in my bed just dozing off. Wasn't it just hours ago? Sinking... Sinking... Ok, well I'm not getting any closer to the top and unfortunately I am picking up speed on the downward thing I'm apparently stuck in. I find myself patiently wondering if one could reach terminal velocity in water given enough fall time. I find myself in a spiralling motion moments after I even think the words terminal velocity. I am picking up speed, and this cannot be good.

The pain... The pain from holding my breath is now noticable. Thinking about all these other things has kept me from thinking about it thus far but now the physical effects of it are starting to sink in. Cough *no pun intended* "Twist! How could you make a joke at a time like this?" "I guess there would be no better time to." Sinking... Sinking...

-tbc

2006-06-29T10:45:00.000-07:00

Charred Souls

Stepping over the charred emptiness that once was a home it can be both depressing and eye opening. A half torched TV looks back at you as if to accuse you of waste but an untouched toaster oven in the next flooring area makes you wonder why some things make it through disasters. Always seems like the cheap stuff right? Ashes ashes everywhere as I add more with each dash of my cigarette. What was lost was too immeasurable to count and what I gained is again unmentionable due to anger and guilt.

3 rooms can be saved if it were that easy but they will come down. You do not rebuild an entire 2 story house around 3 rooms. You rebuild the house. Stepping out back the glare of the shiny mud mocks with a temperament of disdain. All this water could have saved your abode had it made it where it needed to go. Stepping on the mud it decides to give a little slide but I barely notice due to the millions of thoughts that are bombarding me at this moment. Everyone is physically safe although some of the pets are lost. Lost as in ran away when we shovelled them out not as in lost in the fire. They may come back around I may just not be here for their return.

A new time has come in my life. A time to give up the old and allow the dead to be cut away like chaff. Who decides what is wheat and what is chaff, I dont know. The front yard has been destroyed. Not that it was all that great before with its dead spots and such but between the mud mix and the heavy trucks and cars moving along it... it is pretty much a woodstock mudpit.

The driveway is intact, the concrete porch will need to be shattered and redone and the glass in the 2nd story room used as an office is unscathed. All items in that room however, will need to be replaced. The master bedroom is gone, nothing but a blackened pit of what it used to be. And to think I barely made it out due to exhaustion and lack of sleep paying its toll on me. I could have slept through it all like an alarm clock...

But I didnt... This time.

-TwKlMn

2006-06-29T10:40:00.000-07:00

Forshadowed Thoughts Of Deceit

Broken homes and broken memories,
Broken hearts and broken timelines,
Broken promises and broken vows,
Hidden lies that feed the eventual pain.

One slight blunder or err would cave it,
One long night without and crave it,
Tell me soon, I beg to save it,
Hidden lies that feed the eventual pain.

Who was there when the news came first?
Who was there to feed your thirst?
Who was there to hold your hand?
And save your pain with 'I understand.'?

Flawed we are as humans with lust,
Flawed we are in breaking one's trust,
Flawed we are in not telling it all,
Flawed we are and flawed we fall.

I know what I have and know what I'd lose.
I know what I'd gain if I knew how to choose.
I know that either door will open to pain.
I know I'll never be Jason again.

To know all things would help with the inevitable and to know these things would probably break my heart even more. Is that not why we are not all knowing? Because we would never take a chance with anything? One more chance? No more chances? I walk through the valley and the shadows and Death shy away from me. They are too weak for what their original purpose was designed. Only the thickest of gloom dares confront me and I simply drop my head and walk on.

-TwistedEmotion

2006-06-29T10:36:00.002-07:00

Never Know

Your mind will never know how many tears I'll shed.
Your heart will never know how many times I've bled.
Your mind could never count how many times I've died.
Your heart could never love when in someone's arms you've cried.

You will never know the pain that today I've suffered dear.
You will never convince my mind that you didn't want him near.
You will never imagine the pain that I now feel.
You may never see my smile again because it won't be real.

Dying is too easy and loving hurts too much.
I don't care which way I fall.
Can I love? Can I trust? Can we?
Dear God why must it hurt so?

2006-06-29T10:36:00.001-07:00

Twisted Thoughts II

Twisted thoughts and broken tongues
this is what my lifes become.
Broken dreams and torn decor
while broken hearts bleed on the floor.
Ripping sounds as hearts are breaking
Thumping sounds from my heart's aching.

Happy dreams shall lift me high
and reality steals me back from the sky.
Visions of my love in motion
drowning in the coldest ocean.
Left behind I can see it now
blood of pain falling from my brow.

(TBC)

2006-06-29T10:36:00.000-07:00

If What Could

If what could, would happen before the settling of night
I may wish to be found lifeless by dawns early light.
If what could, would be settled when God's trumpet blows
I may wish to regret things that God only knows.
I've driven the stake through beauty, that more than eyes have seen
I have altered a love's perception that can change all that has been.
I've seen beauty shattered and love lifeless on the floor
I've caused the hurt that no weapon has caused such pain before.

To reset the battle's ticker, to reset the trumpet's call
To find the peace that never shall be, before my curtains fall.
I'll walk the sands of torment and crawl the hills of shame
I'll wish for non-existance, and for a chance for never a name.
Don't walk with me to my closing, don't walk till my road ends
Walk to better travels, and please... accept my ammends.

-TwistedPain

2006-06-29T10:35:00.000-07:00

Inexpensive Love

A good inexpensive way to show the woman you love that you love her....

Give her a pearl necklace...

*duck*

TwistedInTroubleNow

2006-06-29T10:32:00.000-07:00

Careful, I say the word Penis....

Ok, so there I was sitting at my desk typing away at my keyboard when the wind decides to gust in through the windows just behind me. Paperwork that I am reading from as I type begins fluttering around and shuffling to the point that it would require a heavy astigmatism to read it... (Ok bad analogous reference). So I decide, being as well endowed that I am to use my penis as a paperweight. Well there I am typing away trying to be productive when I notice this prairie-dogging effect taking place over to the right side of my cubicle.

"Oh my", I think, however did this happen. Well to say the least my cubicle is within an office itself and in order to get to it you must walk along an outside wall around to it with no way back out than to turn around. Well as all the girls decided to come take a peek at my "PaperWeight", a traffic jam began to occur. The girls that had walked past catching the glimpse they so desired had to head back out either to work or to line up again. There is only maybe 2 1/2 feet or so along the wall so girls began running into one another and to my dismay a couple accidently started making out. So there I was... trying to work veraciously(even a word?) while girls are making out all around me... why can't they just let a man work in peace.

And they say men at work are difficult to work around.

-TwistedWeight

2006-06-29T10:29:00.000-07:00

Hot Box Lunch

Had a box lunch and it was swell.
Had a box lunch and it went well.
Can't say it wasn't my favorite of all.
I'll have it again and I'll have a ball.

-YoursTruly

2006-06-29T10:28:00.000-07:00

Another One?!?!?

(conversations with my devil)

It hurts to breathe yet my body won't stop.
It hurts to think yet my mind won't stop.
Why does it hurt so?
Why do I do this to myself and the ones I love?
Angst is building and sweet release shall be just that.
But where will I release it? Is it wrong to hate?
I hear it is yet I've gotta find something to hate.

Walk away.
I cannot.
You're going to get hurt.
I deserve it.
Yeah but you need to look out for #1.
There is no #1.
You're not the only one.
I'm sure I am. For this I was told.
She'll move on and find something better.
I'm sure she will.
With or without you.
I'm sure she will.
Are you stupid?
Aye, yet I'm tempted for that one chance.
It'll break your heart.
I'm sure it will.
Two worlds you said it yourself, right?
Yeah, (sigh) she'll realize I'm not the one.
(snicker)
I'll be too boring, old fashioned, and cramping her style.
As I've told you daily.
y tu Brute?

-TwistedFate

2006-06-29T10:26:00.000-07:00

The Time Will Come

The time will come when someone will fall.
The time will come when someone will crawl.
The time will come when people will cry.
That time will make some wish to die.

A threat is only a threat if you allow yourself to hurt.
A fear is only a fear if you cannot face it boldly.
Pain is merely a mind over matter practice.
"If you don't mind, it don't matter."

It will come, it is inevitable. It will hurt, it has before.
I refuse to allow it to do what it's done before. I will allow
him back in to take control. I will bow gracefully to he who
wins at the strangest costs. And I will leave. This is my vow
and this is my road. I am a traveller as stated before and if
all comes to this and I am released from all bonds of affections
that shall be my road.

Until I rest my bones, arms folded, and nails darkened by final
attempts to climb to life... I will roam.

2006-06-29T10:25:00.001-07:00

I Want

I want to laugh
I want to cry
I want to love
I want to die
I want to open
I want to close
I want to give
I dont want to choose.
I want to stay
I want to run
I want to wait
I want it done
I want her love
I want her free
I want her mine
I dont want to be me.

I don't want to be me.

-Twistard

2006-06-29T10:25:00.000-07:00

R & R

I've felt the blow and the score is set,
Repitition is far so far from regret.
Repentance is when you start turning your life,
Retaliation is more like when you start turning the knife.
What did I do? I won't open up, I deserve what I get,
Repitition is far so far from regret.
Giving up heaven for merely a chance,
It could be a failure but I'd miss "the dance".
I will not be sorry until I've paid my debt,
Repitition is far so far from regret.

Sorry I will not hear, for I know better.
Sorry means nothing, for I now think clearer.
Sorry, an excuse to get forgiveness from some.
Sorry a word to which I've become numb.

Cold ground is where I lay, the days are cold no sunshine today. I dream of it, think of it, linger on it still... At some point I'll be gone and my body will be empty. A shell of what I was and a peaceful sight to those that can see me. Close will be the casket because I have asked this of the one who will make that decision. Peaceful I'll be inside the box of broken dreams.

-Twistedcorpse

2006-06-29T10:24:00.000-07:00

Black eyes staring at me.
Darkened by a devil and his fits.
Not that bad I hear.
Nothing broken I hear.
Life goes on... I hear.
Brown eyes staring at me.
It is over... I hear.
No chance at reconcilliation... I hear.
I've heard that before.

I don't care... I refuse to...

Didnt Frued say that when someone smiles they are merely baring their fangs like an animal?

2006-06-29T10:23:00.000-07:00

Conversation of Demons

I want to know.
You do not.
I want to know.
You do not want to know.
I do.
Do you really?
I'm scared to know.
Are you really?
I must know.
For what reason?
I just must.
Why is it important.
Shut up and go away.
I will not. I am here for your own good.
I need to know.
It will hurt you.
I've got to know.
It will kill you.
I welcome pain.
This will devastate you.
Are you still here?
(hissing yessssss)
I must know to move on.
You my friend, do not want to know.
I knew it before it happened.
You what?
I saw it, when I knew what the plans were.
Liar.
You felt it too, that flutter, nausea...
Yes.
...
You still do not want to know.

*Welcome to the playground that is my mind. This is a script of one conversation.

2006-06-29T10:22:00.000-07:00

What I've Done

What I've done is created a monster. A hateful resenting beast that forgives only itself. What I've allowed is my mind to slip to the recesses of where it has made a home in my far past. A comfort zone is where I lay. Paralyzed by hurt and instability. 3's they come in 3's and what would life be like for everyone else if I layed down mine? I wonder what everyone's eulogy for me would consist of... I lay awake at night thinking hurtful thoughts... thoughts that only hurt me. Thoughts that may or may not be or have been but my mind finds comfort in my self inflicted pain. Things transpiring before my eyes as if I were there. Why? How? When? Who?

This monster laughs at my pain. If you could see me at any given moment right now you would see me smiling. I am not happy but I am smiling. If you intentionally hurt me right now you would see me smirk then to a chilling grin and then a smile. It is my demon not me, for I am gone right now...

Leave a message and I may call you when I return.

< (@) > < (@) >

-Demonictwist

2006-06-29T10:21:00.000-07:00

Hrm...

I do not know where to begin nor do I know what I want to say. Guess I'll shut off my brain and type.

I've died before but it did not hurt.
Last time it was only painful until I hit the bottom.
Lying there I realized the pain was too dull to feel.
Looking up as people went on with their daily lives
around me as if I was there. Was I?
Was I just pushed back into the recesses of my mind?
I've made my bed here before and found it eventially satisfactory.
I can fight harder to stay here when I am in my comfort zone.
Go away world, I need you not, as you do not need me.
Go away for you are not my friends nor my enemies but
merely people going on with their own ambitions and goals and desires.
Desire my time? have my watch.
Desire my presence? make a mold of me.
Desire my looks? take a picture.
Desire my heart? Do I have a heart?
I left all of this in the real world, find it there
and take what you wish. It means nothing to me now.

-Spitefullytwisted

2006-06-29T10:20:00.000-07:00

Every Time I Look

Everytime I look
I want to spill my pain
The desire for your death
is driving me insane.

Everytime I look
I wish that pain would come
A mistake you were in my eyes
a disease inside the womb.

Everytime I look
I wonder how you could
attempt to break my angel
I want to see your blood.

Everytime I look
I hurt just that much more
I wish you could feel the pain
Should be you and not just her..

- Dont question me please, just my sweet release.
- As usual it was your pleasure...

- Twisty

2006-06-29T10:19:00.001-07:00

Twisted pain and a tortured soul
Fill this empty and bleary hole.
The sand falls in to bury my dead.
Sadly its me thats in the hole, in my head.

2006-06-29T10:19:00.000-07:00

What would I change to make things again?
I ask myself this to find the hero within.
I'd change a lot my devil groans
I'd change nothing my emptiness moans.
The hurt I've caused has two different parts:
The hurting of others is not where it starts
The hurt for myself is not a concern
The devils fire IS my comforting burn.

The hurting I do is what my devil within feeds from.

2006-06-29T10:18:00.001-07:00

Goal and Job in life...

Rogue travellers in this world we are, helping others, setting our own happiness aside.
The page turns and each day, week, month, or year brings us a new challenge.
Each challenge brings us a new happiness.
Each new happiness brings us a new heartache when the times to sever the ties arrive almost too abruptly. (dont know just fingers started typing that)

2006-06-29T10:18:00.000-07:00

I Love My Dog....

14. My dog only knows how to love me.
15. My dog (even at her small size) would fight to protect me to the death.
16. My dog always knows when I am sad or hurt or even sick and comes to the rescue.
17. My dog doesnt care too much if I want to spend the night in front of the computer.
18. My dog's frustration at me lasts no longer than about 2 minutes before it is perm-forgotten.
19. My dog only remembers good things.
20. My dog loves to cuddle.
21. My dog serves as a great heater under the covers at night.
22. My dog smiles at me. (Showing her teefies!)

2006-06-29T10:17:00.001-07:00

I Love My Dog

1. My dog will not eat more than a nibble or two until I get home.
2. My dog is not dangerously jealous if I pet another dog.
3. My dog loves me no matter what.
4. My dog doesnt need much to be happy. (Food, Water, Snuggles, and Affection)
5. My dog will never leave me for another owner when I cannot always keep her happy. (see #3)
6. My dog thinks I am the greatest thing in the world.
7. My dog wants to be with me 100% of the time but doesnt hold grudges if I want time alone.
8. My dog will listen to anything I have to say.
9. My dog can keep secrets.
10. My dog doesnt care if I smell awful after a long day at work or manual labor.
11. My dog loves whatever kind of music I have on.
12. My dog loves the same TV shows.
13. My dog wont break my heart intentionally.

(TBC.....)

2006-06-29T10:17:00.000-07:00

I fight to block them both out at first. I have come to expect the darkness
Darkness brings a chaos and calm that I understand so well and feel so much at home within.

I reach for the less of the lights expecting my slightest extention to extinguish its fighting pulse.
My slightest extention only encourages the brighter light.
This devil's laugh is becoming a small thunder.
I find myself basking in the 2nd light. It is melting away my desire for hurt, for chaos, for the destruction of my soul and self.

Numbing cold... Passionate warmth...
A chill... A Tear...
I believe I have found my light at the end of this illusionary tunnel.
I take one step then another.
Just as I reach a rhythm equivalent to a peaceful serenity.. the light behind me.. It.. it.. it..
It brightens.
The devil's laugh that had began to fade is now a thunderous cackle that shakes me from within without.....

(TBC...........)

2006-06-29T10:16:00.000-07:00

As I close my eyes...
I watch the Darkness sever the light and brutally overtake the lighter shadows.
Darkness... that is all there is, no more... no less.

To my left there is a dull light struggling to make itself known again.
Darkness... not so much the only thing now but very dominant.
To my right a large beautiful brightness begins to pulse engulfing the darkness on it's side of my being.
Darkness... losing it's grip. The faint growl of an angry devil begins to audibly increase.

(To be continued [maybe] ....)

2006-06-09T07:30:00.000-07:00

I have broken off from my original blog to post here some of my older and current writings, poems, random thoughts and anything else I consider artistic that came from this twisted mind. It may get gloomy at times and I'll tell you now it will be like that most of the time since I think I write better when I feel that way. I generally never plan or think about what I write I just start typing then go back and maybe fix some grammar.

Either way... again... Welcome.

-TwistedPain